it's okay

 

When I was in the thick of my illness, I found it really hard to believe that everything was going to be okay. That I wasn't broken and unfixable. 

I read way too many bad stories, spent way too much time in "sick rooms" online. If I knew then what I know now, I'd certainly do it differently. I was constantly self diagnosing (although I didn't feel like I had a choice since no one knew what was wrong with me). But it was counterproductive when my research just made me worry more. 

I was so scared, all day. Even on my "better days" I never felt comfortable. I was so far away from relaxed, even when I was just sitting on my couch, to everyone around me, I appeared to be having a good time. But it wasn't real. I was always fighting some silent symptom. 

If you are having the hardest time right now, I'm sorry, it's so exhausting. 

If you have no faith that you will heal, let me give you a virtual shoulder to lie on as I tell you, I know how you feel. It's one of the hardest things. But you can heal. You don't see it now because your suffering is so painful. 

You will heal, try to believe that a little bit more today. 

And if you can't believe it right now, that's okay, try again tomorrow. 

💜Amy